My entry for %MMD-Mall
's monthly contest~ Theme was Out of a Dream
---Warning! This may be long but I'd appreciate it if you read it!
This is Miss S(leeping) Paralysis, or as I know her Lizzie
So I'm sure you've at least heard of the term Sleep Paralysis
right? Well sleep paralysis is like the junction between being awake and being asleep. I like to think of it as some weird space between dream and reality, because honestly that's what it feels like. When I say feels like...yes I do get sleeping paralysis a lot. So much in fact that I've learnt quite a lot from it.
Sleep Paralysis is a feeling of being conscious but unable to move. When you pass through the stage of falling asleep, just before you do there is a mid point. This stage becomes naturally unnoticed, because you are just so tired so you fall asleep. But some people can become hyper aware of this stage, and want to wake up again. That is when you go into sleeping paralysis.
Sleeping paralysis can happen to someone for a number of reasons: Mental Conditions, use of certain medication, lack of sleep or maybe just sleeping on your back.But enough educational shit! Here's interesting stuff about me and sleeping paralysis yay!
Okay so around the time where I was stressing like fuck and my mind was in bullshit mode, I began having sleeping paralysis. It doesn't happen as much as it used to, but I'm so used to it that sometimes I think maybe it does happen and I barely notice.
During sleeping paralysis you see things whether you eyes are open or closed.
You're best to close your eyes, even if there is a strange urge to keep them open. When you have your eyes open it is like a figure is looming over you, you can see it. When you have your eyes closed it feels more like a dream. Personally I have hypnagogic or predormital sleep paralysis, which is when you get it whilst falling asleep instead of waking up.
Now the story behind Lizzie
It would be quite a loose term to use when describing me as normal. I see, or more so imagine things. I do not have schizophrenia, but I feel as if I can see things. I know, it sounds dumb, but it's not really anything I can control. Lizzie is one of those things that I can feel. I've been noticing her existence for over half a year now, as well as many other existences. I'm not going to go into that.
Anyway here's the deal: One night I was tired as fuck, it was early in the morning and because of my sleeping paralysis I have weird sleeping schedules. I felt myself slipping into paralysis ("Ah, fuck.") and then suddenly I felt a tap on my arm. I shocked awake and there was nothing there of course, but fuck I definitely felt that. The same thing happened the night after except it was on the nose. I remember checking around to see if a fucking bug had fallen on me because ew. But nope, nothing. The only person that could have been in the room would be Lizzie. I also started to see her in my sleeping paralysis dreams. I have a feeling she has to battle it out with me. So this is why I have made her for my motm entry, because I see her in my dreams. Sometimes I can control what she does. I remember one time she was killing me, or at least attacking me, and the next moment she we were fucking! (I was like haha oh teenage life I like multiple genders not gonna lie knew that already).
So yeah, I might make this sound really awesome, but it's not. Those two nights she saved me.
Sleeping paralysis is not something you want! You may be thinking, oh cool being able to dream when you're awake, being able to control your dreams sweet as fuck bro. NO. My fragile mental state has gotten worse because of sleeping paralysis. SLEEPING PARALYSIS IS SCARY, YOU CAN'T BREATH, YOU CAN'T OPEN YOUR EYES, YOU CAN'T CLOSE YOUR EYES, YOU ARE FUCKING TRAPPED AND IT'S TERRIFYING. A lot of the time I found myself randomly crying in the day because I knew I was going to have it that night.
I'll stop now, I just really enjoy talking about this so people won't force themselves into having it
Head: *Xoriu, montecore
Hair: *Xoriu, montecore, ~mmdhelper, 3DCG
Sleeves, shirt ruffle, bow, garter, roses: ~amiamy111, 3DCG
Shawl, collar, shirt: *RandomDraggon
Suspender skirt: *NoUsernameIncluded</b></b>